I was talking to a woman today who is caring for her children with Autism & special educational needs.

She was finding it very difficult to manage her own health conditions and her caring responsibilities and told me she felt like the world’s worst mum. She continually spoke about what she wasn’t doing that she felt she “should” be doing – beating herself up (emotionally) on a daily basis.

I’ve been working with this parent for several months and asked her if she minded me giving her my observations about her.

What I had observed during our time together was how bloody hard she was working to ensure her children have the best life they possibly can.

Having two children with ASD – both with differing challenges – in addition to her own health difficulties meant that she had become brilliant at organising everything that needed to be done. They both attend different schools – that’s two lots of teachers to work with, they have ongoing health issues and numerous appointments.

What I really wanted her to do was to recognise her achievements and focus on the small wins she had every day rather than focus on what she hadn’t done.

I remember feeling like this parent with my two children – that I’d let them down, hadn’t been informed enough, believed that the professionals in their life would want and do the best for them…

Here’s the thing…no one gives us a manual when we have a child, let alone a child with additional needs. We are thrust into a world where we are having to learn things as we go along.

We are students and only learn by doing and by making what we feel are mistakes but…



Today, if you’re beating yourself up for what you’re not doing, how about celebrating all that you are and all that you do.

Whether you believe it or not, you are doing a fantastic job with your children/your parent/your partner – whoever you are caring for.

It’s YOU who fights for the person you love and care for and you are the best person to do it.

Don’t let the mind monkeys tell you any different.

Carers Coaching

I know you are all brilliant and – if you are unable, today, to see your amazing strengths, I want you to know that I see them.

Carers Coaching Tansy